


Cold

by lumifuer



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Kylo thinking he's unworthy of love, So much angst, TRoS Spoilers, typical suffering, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22078465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumifuer/pseuds/lumifuer
Summary: Ben decides to save his love’s life at the cost of his own, but the reader doesn’t allow it.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Original Character(s), Ben Solo/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Original Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	Cold

You opened your eyes.

A horrifyingly bright light struck your sense of sight, but you felt as if closing your eyes again would be a blasphemy. You didn't know what had happened yet, but you sensed it was something extremely significant. You were slowly regaining visual acuity. Shapes and colours slowly began to resemble views that were both fresh in your head and thousands of light-years away in time and buried somewhere in your subconsciousness. You realized that you were holding your breath. You gasped and choked as if the act of breathing grew out of your habit already.

Feeling slow came back to the rest of your body, you could feel the sharp needles of frost on the delicate and exposed skin, you knew that you were lying on rough ground. But your body was also supported by something much more pleasant, soft and radiating with warmth. You blinked, eagerly wanting the dark shape of the figure leaning over you to become someone familiar. First, you heard his beating heart, then a warm breath tickling your cheek. A salty teardrop ran down the man's face and slowly rolled down your temple to finally disappear into your tangled hair. You felt its weight, which caused an unbearable headache. You knew how much emotion, suffering and fear were contained in this one little tear.

Like a withered flower, which was saved at the last moment by a downpour, you blossomed again, sitting straight and staring into dark eyes framed by thick eyelashes.

"Ben."

You froze at the sound of your own voice. Did you really call him that? Was that really him?

You narrowed your eyes and your forehead wrinkled in consternation. What actually happened?

At first, Ben looked at you in disbelief, which after a moment turned into a sincere and undisturbed joy. He laughed softly, although you could see signs of fatigue on his face. His wet and clumpy hair fell on his face, sticking to the trickles left by his tears.

"Ben," you repeated, smiling slightly. You were dead. You knew that for sure. You were on the verge of life and death, already putting your foot on the other side, but someone took you away from there. He took you in his arms and brought you to life. Ben, he was the one responsible for it.

Seeing his smile, his eyes, how tired he was, you couldn't think logically. Your instincts combined with feelings took away your ability to decide and before you could think it through, your lips met his, gently absorbing the remains of salty tears and concern. Ben returned the kiss, embracing you and pulling you closer, but the strength with which he did so wasn't comparable with what you felt in his touch. Your shoulders have risen and you closed the space between your bodies, but it still wasn't close enough. Nothing would be satisfying in this situation, you wanted to be right next to him, lose yourself in a kiss, forget what happened to you for a moment. The longer you kissed him for, the more of the world around you began to disappear. You felt the warmth that burned you from within, that great need to belong with him, just as he should belong with you.

Finally, you ended the kiss and looked at him, wanting to see his reaction. His smile did not fade, on the contrary, it gained a heavenly glow. His lips brushed yours again, encouraging further caresses, but he pulled away. You saw a sparkle in his eye, a reminder of hope and a deep desire to change. But it was extinguishing at unbelievable speed.

Ben was also burning away.

His breathing became heavy, slow and shallow. His smile receded, leaving only wrinkles around his eyes. Peace. That's the only way you could describe it. He was the embodiment of silence, a man fully surrendering to his fate, who did something important before his last breath. Something that in his eyes could have been the beginning of redemption. But he wouldn't get the chance to finish this work. His path would end at the very beginning.

But you couldn't allow it.

You could feel it inside, he entwined your heart and was a part of your soul. You knew that by giving you the strength to overcome mortality, he condemned himself to death. Tears threaten to roll down your cheek, but you didn't have time to grieve. You touched his hair, his cheek and gently ran your thumb along his jawline. He was real, so there was still a chance.

Then he suddenly went out.

Ben slipped out of your touch as if someone had smothered the flame of his life. He was falling limply on the cold surface of the rocks, and you didn't have the strength to prevent it. A hand clamped on his shoulder made you follow his fall in a grotesque parody of the position you had found yourself into minutes ago.

"No, no, no," you begged. Your heart was beating painfully in your chest and the world around became blurred from tears. You couldn't allow it. You wouldn't give up without a fight.

You put a hand on his heart and closed your eyes, trying to focus your own energy. It wasn't an easy task - his heart was ceasing to beat rhythmically under your fingers. He was slipping away. You tried to remember the moment when you cured him for the first time. It was a pure instinct, something in your heart was telling you it was the right thing. You touched him, and the Force began to flow through your body, to your fingertips and then spreading to him. Right now, you had troubles feeling the energy within yourself. Maybe it was because of the fact that you had only just received it. You wanted to scream, curse and cry out of powerlessness. But it wasn't the time. 

Once again, you searched your mind for the quiet place you'd often find in stressful situations. You locked everything else away and allowed your heartbeat to slow down. 

"Come back to me, Ben," you whispered. 

Suddenly, you felt the world through the Force - it was surrounding you, buzzing within you and still remaining in Ben - barely. You guided it straight into his body visualising its journey. You saved yourself just enough of it to remain conscious, but the deed had drained you completely. You stared at Ben's lifeless body and cowered in fear. You were weak, heartbroken and alone. 

Seconds were passing by but you didn't dare to move an inch. You wouldn't take your eyes off of him in fear of missing any signs of life. You were expecting him to vanish and become one with the Force at any moment. You didn't even have the energy to cry. You dropped your head on your chest and everything went black. 

"(Y/N)?" you heard and for a second thought, it was just your imagination. 

But then you looked up and your eyes locked with Ben's. He was trying to get up but failing in doing so. 

"Don't, you're too weak," you whispered, kneeling next to his side and gently rubbing his shoulder. 

"Are you alright?" he asked. 

If you weren't so frail yourself, you would have laughed at his concern. 

"I am now," you confessed and poured a lot of effort into smiling for him. 

"You saved me."

"We saved each other, Ben."

"You shouldn't have risked your life for me. Especially in this condition."

"I could say the same about you."

Of course, he wouldn't think of his life as one worth saving. He killed his father, failed to protect his mother and was responsible for the destruction of numerous planets and thousands of deaths. Giving up his life in exchange for yours was meant to be his final act of kindness. He felt it was impossible to atone for his deeds, but if he could use his energy to bring you back, he'd do that again with no hesitation. 

Ben's eyes searched yours for an answer. Assuming you simply cared for him wasn't something he could easily wrap his head around. But he could still sense the touch of your lips, remembering how your fingertips caressed his cheeks and saw fresh marks of tears on your face. He didn't deserve it, but couldn't stop himself any longer. He jumped forward and wrapped his arm around you, hiding his face in your hair. Your heart skipped a beat but you locked him in a safe embrace. He didn't want to question it any further. Maybe there was a spark of hope for him. Maybe his father was right - he still had time to change. And you were willing to help him do that by seeing the goodness inside him. You were offering him something which was missing for the most part of his life - unconditional love. And he felt the same towards you. 

"(Y/N)..." he began weakly. 

"I know," you smiled and it was a beginning of something new and beautiful. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments are always greatly appreciated! ♥


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